Random-Cragginess!

” Seperti halnya padi, semakin berisi ia semakin merunduk. Begitulah analogi ilmu seharusnya.”

Gue habis melihat profil orang-orang sukses. Dan yang semakin membuat kagum adalah bahwa banyak dari mereka itu seorang perempuan. Iya, perempuan. Itu semakin membuat kagum apalagi gue stalkinglah CV mereka, dan kadang ada yang sampe bikin bulu kuduk gue merinding saking kerennya (serius gak lebay). Kebanyakan dari mereka berasal dari almamater yang gue impikan, tapi itu dulu :’) dan kadang sampai sekarang selalu muncul.

Sejujurnya, selalu ada yg buat hati gue ngeganjel, kadang muncul kadang ngga tapi gue berusaha buat motivasi diri sendiri, berusaha bilang ke diri sendiri “Ga, your father knows best” (duuh jadi terharu nulisnya -___-). Bokap selalu mau yang terbaik buat gue, bokap gue bukan orang yang otoriter, tapi karena kita sering sharing banyak hal dan dia udah jelasin alasannya kenapa, gue pun setuju. Ini satu hal yang bener-bener selalu bikin hati gue ngeganjel, gue iri, tapi ini iri yg positif. Sangat teramat positif malah. Gue pengen ketemu dan bisa diajar oleh orang-orang hebat itu, gue pengen merasakan yang namanya duduk di ….. idaman gue, gue pengen pengen pengen dan pengennnn lebih terjun ke banyak hal disana. Dan disini, di tempat gue sekarang. Mereka orangnya hebat-hebat, gue juga diajar dengan orang-orang hebat, kenapa gue bisa bilang begitu? iya karena mereka mengajar dengan bahasa inggris sbg bahasa pengantar, pure 100%. Jujur, untuk lo yg akan masuk kampus internasional, walau bahasa inggris lo pun lancar, kalo lo jarang baca bacaan inggris…..HAH -__- dan itu terjadi sama gue. Gue kadang cuma diem, nyengir, atau masang muka poker face setiap temen-temen gue se-la-lu bilang “ah, lo mah gampang Ga belajarnya udah jago inggrisnya” “ah lo mah udah biasa, Ga” “wuiih keren tuh pake bhs inggris” bla bla bla. Kenyataannya ga semudah itu, take my words! Gue tipe orang yang moody. Kalo gue lagi serius gue bisa sangat serius, kalo gue lagi pengen becanda gue bisa sangat konyol memalukan, kalo gue lagi sensi, apapun yang lo lakuin kadang bisa salah dimata gue. Begitu juga gue masih sering moody kalo belajar, masih banyakkk bangettt yang harus gue tingkatkan, gue juga selalu merasa kesulitan dalam belajar, alasan utama karena memang pengantar bahasa. Beda urusannya kalo lo langsung pahamin dengan bahsa indonesia. Tapi gue yakin, kalo gue tekun gue akan punya skill yang mereka, bahkan di tempat idaman gue itupun ga punya. Tapi, beda. Lo ga akan tau rasanya, ketika ada keinginan lo yang terpendam itu……yak stop. Gue tau ini udah keputusan gue, dan yang pasti gue yakin ini yang terbaik, pasti Allah lebih tau perasaan hati gue. Gue bangga disini :) gue seneng disini :)ini cuma masalah keinginan gue dulu, yang sampai sekarang selalu sedih aja kalo diinget, apalagi kalo liat….

Gue akan buktiin, gue akan menjadi salah satu dari nama-nama orang hebat itu nanti, gue bakal nambahin daftar nama-nama perempuan hebat, Amin ya Rabb. Hebat itu dari diri kita sendiri kok :’) yang lain hanya memfasilitasi aja. Dan Allah juga yang membimbing saya. Buat orang yang paling gue sayang dalam hidup gue, yang selalu buat gue berpikir “hari esok harus jauh lebih baik”, yang selalu meluangkan waktu untuk menjemput anak-anaknya walau udah capek sepulang kerja, yang selalu tegar walau gue tau dia nyimpen masalah berat waktu itu, yang pernah bela-belain ga makan demi sekolah kita (dan meneteslah air mata gue). Orang itu bokap gue :”)

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The boy who tall, wearing glasses, and a mustache.

SELAMAT PAGIII!!! it’s been a loooong time I leave you, dear my lovely tumblr.

I’m in my comfort zone right now, in my mood to write, share and…watchamacalit! (I often use this kind of slang :p) on this Saturday morning time, please noted! I do nothing. I miss to write over my tumblr. I miss my silence time in my room not my dormitory room, however it’s the comfy one too. My blue room, actually the best place that I’ve ever been in any kind of places indeed. I really miss my friends, really :”’ and I miss you, my best fixer broken heart.

Every word that I typed, represents what I really want to say even it’s not as easy as you think. But believe me, you would feel be more relieved than before. Here I go, posts for you.

I have read some blogs, they wrote about LDR, and yeah you all already knew for sure it stands for Long Distance Relationship. Ya, even I’m not that into them, I thought I’m not in LDR with him because we’re not in a different island, but sometimes I thought I’m in LDR. Feels a bit confused, isn’t it? Lupakan! -_- Anyway back to the blogs that I’ve read, the way they write out, or may be speak out, and explain their feelings make me feel the same way too. Have you ever felt what in their deep mind is, in their heart, and how hard you to control this. Have you? I have. Actually I really hate to do this on my tumblr, but no! the posts must go on!!

There is always a boy, who exist in my life. God sent him from Mars to this earth, and ordained him to meet me, the girl from Venus. HAHA, I like this imagery. Actually it’s you. How can you stay this condition without any struggle? you always look okay outside even when I’m crying and I’m down every night just because I really need the spirit from you. I miss those our midnight conversations. I miss how you would make me laugh out of my own frustration. I miss your childish ways. Sometimes, college life can take you up, but it also take you down. Your voice, even just a lil bit of your voice, always returns my mood up. I have understand this, I learn to be more patient facing you, trying to understand your hell schedules. But everything, e-ve-ry-thing just always make me look like childish girl in front of you, right? then you always act like there is nothing happen, ignore what I’ve said, then you still as usual. Have you ever wonder? how can we believe something that we don’t even know. Just your message, it’s enough for me. Even I still miss and have to realize it’s also be a problem when I really miss someone. Named it.

I just want to know your condition, what have you done a whole day, how your activities running. I will not and never ever intend to curb you. Have you ever realized? Am I worth enough for you? I make sure, you never cried for those silly things like I did, like when I really miss you before I sleep, when I really need the spirit from you when anything take me down, and when I’m waiting you, waiting for your message. It’s not about your activities, I also have my own activities. But it’s not the point! It’s about our process to live our path together.

Saya sayang kamu, mungkin cara kita aja yang berbeda :)